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SOPHOMORE year
im gonna talk about how highschool is stupid
stupid not only in the sense of the flawed learning system(which would be a lot to get into, so maybe that will be another post for another time), but in the sense of the meaningless small talk, cliques, fake friendliness, and most of all crushes. yes, crushes the one thing us teenagers obsess over more nowadays than social media, and we have now ever since- well the invention of the social system that demands we stay in monogamous relationships. but when you really think about it, if we didnt have relationships, at all, things would be a lot easier. but thats comming from someone(me) who is scared of commitment, and rightfully so considering i hate the touchy-feely-mushy stuff of relationships. i like relationships with people who i can talk to- on an intellectual level, and not just the pointless batter of "how was your day" i mean actual discussions, on things that they think and know. things they idealize and have opinions on. oh and sex why cant relationships just be that? intellectual sharing of ideas, and sex? not all this romance shit. why do i have to ask a girl out when i dont even know if she shares the same ideas on relationships than me? i mean i hate when people touch me. (besides sex i guess) i dont want to hug or cuddle with you... especially in public. why do people feel the need to cuddle in public and why do i have to always make the initiative in relationships ok ill stop and get into what made me think about all this. three girl- four now that i think about- wait five. girls have a crush on me(or atleast i think), and well it may be flattering all the spamming on snapchat, laughing at every single word i say, and talking about how they are waiting for that special guy, or have this crush on a guy and wont say who. can get a bit annoying. or like at that powderpuff game when nancy kept questioning my sex life. which is none of her business................... is just too much. just say something, i dont even care if you like me or not just say why you are acting like this! nancy if obvious as fuck but the others ehhh... i dont know them that well enough yet, considering i just got paired with them in science, and there is amelia (or whatever fake name i used, i honestly forgot) who has been dropping the same hints as i said above. its all just so confusing. but i need to say this now, since my mind thinks i should. kris (using a fake name, his name irl is a lot more attractive) , god dammit the biggest crush i have ever had in my life. i would probably do anything he says. anything. (god i feel like such a degenerate) and i know what you are thinking: "but kevin you just said that people should tell you that they like you, why dont you do the same?" its more complicated. its with another guy so, in general things will be more complicated, i honestly dont know if he is bi or gay or whatever the fuck so i cant just go up to him and ask to be in a secret gay relationship and asking a guy out would not be the best for my reputation, to say the least. and ive been preety good at staying "in the closet" and its preety comfy in here. let me just say. i dont just wanna be known as "that one gay kid" (even though im not even gay, bi tbqh fam) so i cant i just...... cant. my crush on kris in general though is really shallow, i only like him due to his 1. aggressive personality (which most people are lacking nowadays) 2. that he is pretty attractive in my book 3. he plays sports (i ironically only like guys who play sports, which is strange because its the opposite with girls.) so... yea. i dont have anything else to say right now i just had to brain dump that. and this entire post was petty af
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October 2016
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